found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
