If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
