Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
