i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
