have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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