turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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