I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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