i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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