I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
