we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
