watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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