God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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