she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
well you can't waste a boner
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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