Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
ugly people sure do ruin things
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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