he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
