I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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