he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
