you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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