We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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