It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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