hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
