drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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