Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
