Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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