so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
