I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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