When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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