Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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