I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
