What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
