I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
