I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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