alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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