So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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