So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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