Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
