Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
