When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
