Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
