I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
