the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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