Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
