I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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