It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
