Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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