he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
