you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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