i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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