I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
