i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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