There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
