god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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