Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
