There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
