the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
