Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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