just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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