i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
If I die, sorry about rent.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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