i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
