Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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