i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
